Regretful Path
by bikermo
Summary: This is a short response or companion piece to GeorgeGlass story "The Paths We've Chosen". If you haven't read it, please do as it is a wonderful and touching story. This one shot just looks at one regret that Harry might have. My first post so I would appreciate your reviews.


Harry Potter's study in his home was a warm place, truly inviting thought. The fireplace crackled, providing both light and glow to push back the late evening chill. The surrounding bookcases were full of scrolls, tomes and memorabilia. The walls overflowed with awards listing past accomplishments he would mostly rather forget. Then, of course there were pictures of family, friends, places and even a few enemies. Many of them were still, capturing moments in muggle style. While others, like short movies, showed movement conveying more information, more emotion.

Indeed, it was one of the latter photos that induced Harry's latest staring contest with infinity. Fourth year Harry and Hermione were huddled together in the Hogwarts library. While she looked to be intensely focused upon the pages of an unknown book, his countenance moved, forever looking between her face and hands. Reminding him of the hands that had touched him so many times and of her sweet face with the look that had often brightened his day with just a hint of a smile.

Hearing the movement of someone in the house jarred Harry from his thoughts somewhat, though not enough to break the melancholy in his soul. As he dwelled even further down the paths of his memories, he just couldn't contain it anymore. He took pen to paper with the intent to finally explain all!

_My Dearest Hermione,_

_Oh how I wish I could seek your advice. But I cannot, for why will become most evident soon. My next few words may very well end any relationship you have with me. _

_My childhood taught me how to hold everything inside. Vernon made very sure of it. Emotions had a high price and so became quite easy to suppress. Regarding you, I've had what seems a lifetime of practice, having done so since we first met on the Hogwarts Express._

_So out with it you would most likely declare. OK… I love you. I can hear your voice so clearly as you reply, "Honestly Harry! I love you too. You've been the greatest friend I've ever had." Trust me Hermione, so many of my thoughts of you are nothing of what a great friend should have. You would be thoroughly scandalized at those I had when we were in the tent alone._

_I regretfully inform you that they have not gotten any better as we've grown older. You were a beautiful young girl. As a woman, you continue take my breath away. I've loved Ginny as best I could all these years. Yet, I still love you. As they say (whoever 'they' might be), it is all a matter of degree. I loved you first._

_At first, I dared not chance losing your friendship. Losing you would have ended me. With my destiny overhanging us there was never a time when taking such a risk seemed acceptable. Later, I could never interfere with you and Ron. _

_Having held this in so many years, I just can't bear doing so any longer without you knowing. Perhaps it will help to explain some of my looks or words in those times when I was almost overwhelmed by you. Now you will have some thought of why I often seem desperate to get your opinion on some innocuous or stupid thing. Why I seemingly hang on your every word at family gatherings. I am sorry if I have pushed your comfort level with my presence at times, but I needed to be around you. Still do._

_Please understand that I place no expectations on you. I know to you I am that greatest friend as in all but my most secret heart are you. I just needed you to know, because sometimes my want is just not enough._

_Love,_  
_Harry_

Harry read his message again, wishing his words were more poetic or eloquent. With a final sigh, another letter Hermione will never see joins others in a special location of his desk that a lesser wizard or witch could not find or open. A secret place not created in hubris, but to hide the secret shame. A shame that even though he loved his wife and children, they are not enough. It hurts to his very core that they are not-almost as much as it hurts with emptiness for Hermione.


End file.
